Monday, November 27, 2006

I am Martin Roy Regala. I am a mathematician. Well, aspiring to be one. Actually, I'm really not sure what I want to be. For now, I'm just going with the flow.

I'm happy-go-lucky. Maybe too much of it. On the outside, I try to think more positively, looking at the brighter side of things. Then deep down inside, all the negative things start showing their ugly faces. I have no control over it, but the weird thing is, I kinda welcome them with open arms. Passively, I mean. Is being a gemini like this? Having two sides of everything, and yet you're just one? Weird, huh... Yin yang.

I never thought my life would be like a rollercoaster. It's so cliche-ish, but I think that's what my life is right now. At one moment, I'm going up at the peak of the tracks, feeling the wind that embraces my face, cherishing the fraction of a second of being on top of everyone else. Then all of a sudden, I come crashing down, top speed, screaming my lungs out from all the shit I'm feeling inside. And before I think that going down won't end, something would stop me dead on my tracks, help me go "horizontal" again [for the lack of an appropriate term] before I go like the graph of sine one more time. If you asked my if I like my life this way, which most people enjoy, I'll say it sucks. It sucks BAD.

I'm just saying all these cause I feel another dream being crushed slowly as the days go by. I don't know. Before, I wished on a falling star [wow] that I would meet somebody just like me. Well, it came true. Too much like me. Stubborn [well, she's a little stubborn, while i'm very :)], a hopeless romantic, a little crazy, ma-drama, want to see the people around us smiling, cute... Okay, I'm pushing it. haha [my blog, my words :)] Oh, and by the way... Did I mention too loyal? Too loyal to a person who doesn't deserve the love and attention that's given to him/her... [I'm talking about the both of us, so I have to generalize. He's making her cry eh!! Grrr...] That is not cool...

Better end this entry here. I'm running out of English. That's the trouble with me. More on numbers, less on words. *sighs*

I "became" a Peyton Sawyer from a Lucas Scott. [Not gender-wise. Just... Go figure.]

"Nathaniel Hawthorne once wrote: No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true."



Saturday, November 25, 2006

Play; Repeat All [Reklamador; 2nd Installment]

It's a different kind of Reklamador entry. And as always, forgive my English, Filipino, and Tag-lish...

It's All Coming Back To Me and Jeepney [Meatloaf featuring Marion Raven; and Sponge Cola respectively]. Those are what I've been playing in my iPod for about a month or so na. Di pa naman ako nagsasawa, so I think that's good.

Out of all the things that happened to me in the past 2 weeks, palagi yung bad things ang nagsa-stand out. Why? What the fuck's wrong with me? Whenever my friends are down, I always tell them think positive. Why can't I do it?

I asked something to my SA teacher before. Something about a person worrying about others' problems. Then he said: "Meron bang ganon?" and just laughed. I want to tell him Yeah. Me. Bakit ganon? Pino-problema ko na rin ang problema ng iba...

And why the hell am I "enjoying" the sadness I always feel when I listen to the songs I stated above. How can I say I am enjoying it? I think it's human nature to avoid sadness. And yet, I seek it. How weird... That's me.

Nga pala. I'm NOT HUMAN... I totally forgot that. *sighs*

Somebody told me: "Martin, di ka naman mahirap mahalin eh." [or something like that]

Why do I find it hard to believe? I wish someone would prove me wrong. 'Cause everytime I feel like somebody cares for me, dahan-dahang mawawala ang contact between us. Lumalayo. Nagiging strangers. Damn...

I hate it when people easily discard the good moments you shared with them. Like it never happened.

Here I am again... Ranting about something nobody gives a damn...

[you can say: the hopeless romantic rants again...]